Will Cry 4 Coffee

Chris's new life


Yesterday Chris woke up and booked a standby pass flight home. We hadn't really discussed him staying or leaving but there were too many reasons for him to go one major being that 13 hours in a car home was not going to be pleasant. But it really hit me hard when he told me he was leaving. I totally understood but everything was really becoming reality. Our vacation together was over with, he is really messed up and I was going to be without him for a while.

I was ready to deal with the first one and was making the transition to caretaker but it was the being alone for while one that I had real problems with. I definitely got teary when he said he was going but after I dropped him at the SB airport it hit and boy did it hit hard! I walked into the Coffee Bean right afterward and the poor guy at the register greeted me with a "How are you?" and I started balling. I cried so hard unable to speak that he looked at me all sad, pushed my coffee at me and told me that it was on the house and to have a better day. OMG where did all that emotion come from?!

Well after looking back on it it came from a lot of things namely the HUGE amounts of stress that I have been enduring with my mom and dad. I felt like Chris was the only solid rock I had right now in my life and I actually told him that too at one point a few weeks ago. And now HE was even gone and not there for me (even though he cheers from a distance) and we had reversed roles with unstable ME being his rock. It was too much to take in. Way too much. And I lost my sh%& right then and there in the Coffee Bean. That poor guy will never ask another person how they are I bet!

Another thing that wasn't sitting well internally was that my buddies here have a bunch of pics around the house of us from a few years ago and when I looked at one of myself all I could think of was that I looked happy, vibrant and full of energy. I cannot tell you how awful it is to see a picture of yourself AND THINK THAT. I wasn't expecting to think that although it did confirm my suspicions that I am freakin' mess right now. All the bumps in the road are coming at once for me and my family and its almost too much to take on. I am on the edge for sure and am latching on for dear life. I will get through this because I have too but man its hard. I have to make something else "my rock" for now and that will be the bike. It is always there for me and gets me into a land and zone that I love.


As for Chris's flight home, it was great. He had a whole row to himself to prop his leg up (I was of course worried about blood clotting) and he got into SLC where a wonderful friend picked him up IN the airport (who does that!!) and then went grocery shopping for him too. Wayne Lawrence is the nicest of fellows and would do anything for another cyclist as you can see. He even came by this morning I guess and did even more grocery shopping for Chris.

On that note, thanks to all of you out there that have been a part of this (whether you wanted to be or not!!). Thanks for your time your advice and all of your passion for good health and commitment to friends. Friends like you (you know who you are!) are hard to come by and Chris and I are both so blessed to be surrounded by so many awesome and incredible people. Thanks for everything.

And on a fun note, here is Chris's response in the hospital to a 2-3 month recovery.



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